Why Do We Think Success Is Showing Off?
So, I had a bit of good news the other week – I was listed as one of the top 50 ‘trailblazers’ within the property world which I was really chuffed about (especially as I didn’t enter myself!). My first instinct was to go on social media to celebrate and tell my mates and contacts about it, but something stopped me and that was the fear of looking boastful and full of myself, so I held off telling people!
This got me thinking about how, as women, we have these roadblocks and why we don’t permit ourselves a pat on the back or a public acknowledgment of something really good and something we’ve worked bloody hard to achieve?
It’s a sad fact that females are less confident about applying for a job than males. Men will sometimes think ‘sod it’ and give it a go anyway with moderate degrees of success whereas women, even if they have a smidgen of doubt, won’t even put their hat in the ring.
This makes me sad – especially as I’m seemingly one of these women.
So, how can we tackle this? The issues I’m afraid my fellow womenfolk lie within us, cemented in this innate fear of not being worthy. This, coupled with this constant anxiety of what will other people think of us if we dare to raise our heads above the paraphyte to say that, you know, we’re actually quite good at something and a whole heap of other people think we are too.
As the saying goes, ‘everything you want is on the other side of fear.’ And there’s no truer words spoken. Fear is the main thing holding us all back – fear of our abilities, fear of repercussions, fear of someone not liking us or not thinking we’re any good and fear of fear itself!
I see this all the time in Daisy Chain – loads of truly amazing women who have lost confidence in themselves due to fear. This fear may have stemmed from a controlling boss, a crap experience or a throwaway comment that has stuck with them (I have a whole host that come to the fore when I’m feeling my most wobbly).
What we need to tell ourselves time and time again is that these experiences are nothing to do with us as individuals or our abilities – nine times out of ten, it’s other peoples’ shit being projected onto us and it is SO frustrating that these comments/experiences stay with us and fester into our subconscious to rear their ugly head when we’re feeling at our lowest.
My team and I make it our mission to support our Daisy Chainers fully as they are often returning to work after having a baby or are embarking on a big change in their career so wobbles are high! We reassure them that any employer is lucky to have them, and we try and go above and beyond to make them feel as amazing as they actually are and the transition into work is a smooth one.
I find it so interesting that I can completely identify this need in other women and champion and empower them all day long but when it comes to me, my head hits the sand in no time. I need to take heed of my own advice and celebrate the wins and if I seem wanky, then so be it – I’m wanky! Here’s to all us wanky people out there – let’s all celebrate our brilliant achievements together!*
*I say this. I have just put ‘award-winning’ on my Linked In bio and still feel a bit sick!